187 – Doing better.

My new schedule at work has helped me get in more time for eating. I can usually start the day with a pop-tart or an English muffin, and get a snack in before dinner (generally a bowl of popcorn). It’s not the best progress but I have been weighing in around 188 lately.

I’ve given up counting the calories.  So far I seem to be doing fine without.

185 – Discouragement.

I find the digital scale a cruel companion. I’m sure it’s more accurate, but the older scale always gives me nicer numbers. Nevertheless, in the interest of avoiding self-delusion I think it will be better to switch to it. I haven’t been able to focus on the gain much since the last time I was sick, and today I weigh in on that unfriendly scale at 185.2 lbs (out of a goal weight of 250).

As of today, somewhere over 200 people watch my YouTube channel. I haven’t added any new videos in six months because I haven’t had any progress, and while I enjoy what I have now, I don’t really think it worth sharing.

Every time I go back to the scale I get the urge to focus again and work on gaining the weight. I know I can do it, but it’s hard because apparently my default mode of being turns out to be exactly the same as the No-S diet: snacks I don’t have time for, sweets don’t appeal for me, and I rarely have seconds to go back for. I do find I make progress when I count calories and keep to DietPower‘s calorie budget, but entering all that data every day is tedious and unrewarding, and when the budget numbers get high and hard to keep up with, it’s discouraging. I could do with a partner, if I could find a decent one; all the encouragers I meet are no good at actual encouraging.

205 – With shirt, without shirt.

Made it up to 205 this weekend, thanks to Thanksgiving leftovers. And, the videotape: