Muke's growing journey

Hey, all.

I know I didn’t post last week. Lately I’ve been pretty unhappy about my weight because it’s kept slipping, ever since I got this job.

It’s hard being so unsuccessful at something, especially when you’re trying to be public about it, like I am here.

Being bigger is something I need badly enough that, as I’ve mentioned before, I have no intention of giving up on, no matter how bad at it I am.

But it’s getting harder and harder to work at this, when more and more it feels like I’m losing willpower in life—not just in this area of my life, but in general. And being miserable about my body image isn’t helping.

What am I doing here in front of you all, with nothing to show?

Maybe some of you all share my trouble?

Really lousy week on the gaining front — I don’t think I even managed a single proper dinner. My appetite’s been ridiculously dead, and my willpower isn’t much better.

Here’s hoping this week will be a better week.

Still could do with help!

Bit of a slump this week—started a new job, and it took me a bit to get into the habit of eating there.

Added a sidebar for gaining communities on the right, starting with BeefyFrat, Grommr, and BellyBuilders.   I’m on all those places, but I find overall I don’t really connect with gainer communities myself.

For one, they have a tendency to—or rather, they’re sort of designed to—superconcentrate the gaining experience.  A hundred gainers  posting, more or less one after another, various food– and stuffing-related thoughts to the front page of Grommr is a bit overwhelming and a bit alienating.

That, and how a specialized social network doesn’t tend to help the problem I’ve mentioned before, about people being—or at least seeming to be—all about just one thing in particular; there’s no easy way to see who’s got more to them than just gaining.  Better to start somewhere generalized, like Twitter, and then let all your niches be found.  (It’s how most of you got here, after all.)

Beyond that, the serious impact on my mood from seeing there’s nobody nearby, combined with that of seeing others sharing bigger successes, tends to keep me off those sites in general.  I like my self-esteem where it is.

But I’ll still link ‘em, for them that appreciate ‘em better.