202.
Another week, another down.
I’ve been trying to put on weight for several years now. While I have had some success—actually, I’m up a bit over eighty pounds since I first started—progress is just so intermittent.
Sometimes people call it a plateau when you’re taking in a lot of calories but the body just doesn’t respond with the extra pounds. I have encountered that—the amount of food I needed to gain off of grew quite a lot in the first quarter of the year.
But what’s been hitting me this week, though, and the past few weeks, really, is more along the lines of just not being able to take in the calories. Actually, that’s probably not true—I’m sure I’d be able; I just don’t find myself wanting to bother eating, or making food.
There could be all kinds of causes to this, but I figure the biggest factor is the changes in my routine brought on by losing my job. I’ve mentioned before how difficult it is for me to gain on weekends; now, every day is a weekend. (And meals aren’t the only thing disrupted by the change, but the rest of my routine isn’t really relevant here.)
I also tend to blame a lot of this lethargy on the weather; it’s been pretty rainy lately and, while I enjoy the rain, I’ve noticed I do tend to be less dedicated when it’s about to rain.
I can blame a lot of things, really, but the only real reason, of course, is weakness of will. Circumstances are just circumstances, and out of my direct control: in the end it’s all down to me asking myself, consciously or not, Do I want to eat more? and the answer coming back No, not really.
Still, I won’t give up.
So when it came to planning meals for the week yesterday, and all the food I actually wanted to eat came out to under 2000 calories a day, well… when I went to the Wal-Mart I just splurged a bit on whatever caught my eye. With what result, well… we’ll see next week. Still could do with help, though.
Wrote out this blog post on paper instead of composing it on the computer, where I think I never have been too good at writing seriously. I think it came out a little better, maybe? Certainly managed to make it a decent length, anyway. Will try to do this more often.