Muke's growing journey

Well, this week didn’t go as bad as I thought it might; in fact, I finally broke past the 196 I’ve been stuck at for the last four weeks. Of course, I had to go through a lot of eating, too; being as far behind as I have been required a pretty decent amount of calories to catch up. As far as the holiday eats went, I think I ate more Christmas Eve than I did the day itself.

The tofu I mentioned in my last post didn’t come out as well as I wanted it to, but for a first attempt I don’t think it was so bad. It was definitely too expensive to make often, though. This week’s dinner plans are Hamburger Helper (made vegetarian, yes) followed by enchiladas; nothing too special.

By the time of my next update it’ll be 2009. Next year I definitely intend to reach 250 at least. One thing I’ve been wanting to do is to “race” another gainer. At the rate I usually go compared to how well most gainers could do if they set their minds to it I know I’d probably lose miserably, but I think some competition would be good incentive for focusing on gain. Anyone wanna take me on?

P.S. — I certainly plan to do more video posts thanks to a few people’s supportive words on the last one.  But I wasn’t feeling up to it this week.  Look for another one next week.

Apologies for the audio.  Didn’t come out too good, but better than I thought. (No, I don’t show my belly in this one.) Should I do more video posts like this?

Transcript of video below cut… »

Brandon asks:

What was your inspiration for wanting to gain? What got you into doing it, and then what got you into doing it publicly?

There wasn’t any particular point of inspiration that got me into gaining. I’ve always admired the larger form in a man and, a reasonably big man being my ideal figure of masculinity, it seems only natural that I should want to have that not just in my preference of partner but in myself as well. So as soon as I got to that point in life where I was buying my own food, I started trying to gain.

As far as what got me into doing it publicly—there’s a few factors to that. I have something of an exhibitionist streak in me; pretty much everything I do or make gets put online. Even without that, there shouldn’t be any shame in working towards one’s ideal figure. People don’t hide it when they diet to lose weight, and they don’t hide it when they’re working out for the musclebound look. My ideal differs from the mainstream, certainly, but I don’t worry about negative peer pressure keeping me back.

Besides, doing it publicly means I am doing it publicly, and that has its own rewards. Posting here regularly inspires me not to give up lightly. (That’s the good peer pressure. People want to see me succeed.) Also, I have different obstacles than I see in most other gainers I know—I have no qualms about getting bigger, unlike many; my biggest barriers are resources and a very low drive to eat; I hope to give some inspiration to keep going to others like me. Back when I was at 120 lbs, so many people told me I wouldn’t be able to gain—but here I am, eighty pounds later and still growing! And if I can do it, anyone can.

Not much to report this week; up half a pound.   Will try to post more on next week’s update.

In the meantime, has anyone got any questions for me?

Goal for January
All right, so now that the holiday’s over and my computer’s working again to plan calories I can try and get back on the wagon here.

Of course, since I’m just under my weight of 197 from last month now, I didn’t even make it close to last month’s goal of being 203 by this time. Goal for next month is 200.

Holiday weight loss
Some people have asked me why I normally lose weight over holidays and vacations. At base the problem is just that it’s a disruption of my normal routine. I gain best on my regular workdays, where I generally eat two decent-sized meals that, when I’m gaining, are planned in advance to have enough calories to gain.

On my days off, I’m generally more inactive than usual; I end up less hungry, and less interested in getting up and making food. Additionally buying enough food for seven days straight is more expensive than I care to spend…

On holidays with feasting involved there’s the extra factor that the meals are made by and for other folk, so a lot of things are out of my control. I may be left with side dishes since I’m vegetarian; the food is not made with my calorie budget in mind; and, of course, I have to share. ;)

Most people, as far as I understand, manage to gain over holidays due to overindulgence: they stuff themselves. But as for me, even with abundance of food I’ve never really had the appetite to gain by stuffing. That, of course, has been one of my biggest obstacles to gaining in itself—next to financial difficulties—unlike most gainers I come across whose impediments are mainly psychological.

For those who are interested, my Thanksgiving dinner consisted of half a plate of mashed potatoes and half a plate of sweet potatoes, courtesy of my roommate (whom some of you know as the lovely and talented fantasyfanficboi).

Picture posts
I’ve been wanting to do more picture posts here lately; even though the progress is small, I know it’s what bring you all around. I was planning to post pics here this week (ripped pants, you know?) but I lost my camera’s USB cable over vacation, so I can’t pull any pictures. A buddy of mine picked it up from the hotel room, but he lives a couple of hours away so it may be a while before he gets the opportunity to bring it ’round.

So, today I split my first pair of pants.

Anyway, I was at work and heard a rip when I sat down.  I thought it might just be another noise the chair made, the first time.  The second time I heard it I looked down to see what was really going on… and found that my pants had acquired considerably more room in the rear.  This was early in the morning, and I got to go around at work for the rest of the day that way; luckily I have a sit-down job so I didn’t have to worry about exposing myself much.

I was pretty proud of myself.  I’d never destroyed anything with my fat before.

The pants’d been a bit tight lately… not uncomfortably so, but enough to leave pressure marks.  Because of that, and the whole violently outgrowing them thing, I went for bigger:  the 38s are out, and now I’m sporting jeans 40″ in the waist.

Here’s hoping they don’t last.